Ash Wednesday: keeping in step with the seasons of the Holy Spirit.

“‘And yet even now,’ says the Lord, ‘return to me with all your heart . . .’”
– Joel 2:12

The morning was grey and dark….”as usual”, I said to myself. The almost daily greyness matched my low feelings which had settled in to stay, it seemed, over the past several weeks, or was it already months….?

I took the dog out, and at Dude Chilling Park he enjoyed playing “catch me if you can” with a couple of dogs and a tattered but strong stick.

I had texts and a phone call with a struggling student. I’m slowly getting used to being on call basically 24/7 for campus ministry. Including my own three sons, this year I have many many “kids” 🙂

A bit later, i headed for downtown in the car to meet Gary for lunch…it was also Valentine’s Day, and he was excited to walk together from The Flying Angel, his workplace at the Port of Vancouver, to a surprise restaurant he’d been wanting to bring me to for some time!! What a sweetie!❤️❤️

It was shortly after noon, and I realized with surprise that the greyness was gone, and the sun was shining so brightly that i needed sunglasses.

The roads were jammed as I inched down Main Street. Suddenly, there were police cars at the north end of Main Str. and they actually blocked the access to the final stretch of road to the Port. I could not pass.

Thankfully, finding a metered spot off East Hastings and Main….and being very careful not to hit the many people J- walking and those who wandered and tottered unstably and randomly across red lights at intersections, I parked, and called Gary to let him know where to find me.

The air was crisp and clear. Downtown Eastsiders and others crowded the streets, I saw people carrying carnations, banners and walking arm in arm….

I asked a nearby woman what was happening, she said: “It’s the March for Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women and Girls (MMIWG), held every Valentine’s Day down here.” I have a friend who joined the march last year, but I was not aware it was held on Valentine’s Day. I tried to put the this trifecta of events together in my mind….Ash Wednesday, the first day of Lent, Valentine’s Day and the March for MMIW. Still working on that….

Photo from: https://newjourneys.ca/en/articles/eight-things-to-know-about-the-inquiry-into-missing-and-murdered-indigenous-women-and-girls

Gary and I found each other and made our way to….the Old Spaghetti Factory. How fun!! I used to come here as a child with my family, then as a teen with friends; Gary also remembers coming as a child from Bellingham….today, they still serve that yummy warm bread to start and spumoni ice- cream to finish 🙂

My heart felt lighter briefly, but I was aware that the street outside the restaurant was packed with throngs gathering in the cold air for the march, and during lunch I had the crowd and their absent loved ones on my mind.

After a spaghetti and soup lunch, Gary headed back quickly to work….he had to open the Seafarer’s Centre for the sailors from cargo ships – those who had free time would come and use the free WiFi, have a cup of tea and appreciate some relaxing time off the ship.

Meanwhile, the march for MMIWG had moved to East Hastings, just around the corner from where i had parked, and was stationary there with a big crowd on either side of Main Street….drums were pounding….children, siblings and parents of missing women, extended family and friends, and those supporting their cause were bonded together in the crisp February air and bright sunshine. I stood with them for 10 minutes or so, until they started walking again.

On my way home driving slowly in the traffic jam, i had time to look down alleyways and saw ambulances, probably attending to an overdose, and several blanket- covered shapes which i realized were actually people, sitting and lying down; this was their laneway home!

Updates on the Florida highschool shooting came intermittently on the radio. Eight victims….no fifteen, perhaps more….

That evening we attended a brief Ash Wednesday service which followed a pancake community meal at First CRC church located right beside and active in supporting the ISS Refugee Welcome Centre.

The service was quiet, brief and meaningful….”From dust we came, to dust we will return” – Ecclesiastes 3:20 ( some liturgies add…. “as we await the Resurrection.”) “we belong to God.”

The pastor, my friend Dena, marked my forehead with ashes and oil.

“The ashes marking our foreheads carry the same meaning contained in the Old Testament practice of covering oneself with ashes. They are a graphic reminder of our sinfulness, an outward sign of inward repentance and mourning as we become aware of our sin. This, too, is good for us because we live in so much denial. With as much openness as we can muster, we invite God to search us and know us and (eventually) lead us into resurrection life.”

Preparing for Lent – Returning to God with All My Heart

I joined in the liturgy. The words entered my heart, mind and soul, and I placed my own mournful thoughts and feelings – the MIW and my many newly discovered missing and murdered Jewish relatives, as well as the growing number of students and staff members who have shared their painful stories with me and, of course, the world news – into the enveloping words as we spoke and prayed quietly into the peace of darkened church, lit only by flickering candles.

The historical, holy words, the heavenly and holy peace, and the cross, understood the pain, absorbed it and yet remained hopeful, and the candle light kept shining in the darkness.

Both comforting and radical; I believe these are true words which bring perspective and the hope of the “upside- down kingdom”.

Jesus taught His disciples:

“Happy are you needy ones:
The kingdom of God is yours.

Happy are you who are hungry:
You will be satisfied.

Happy are you who weep now:
You will be filled with laughter.”

(The passage continues with “woes” whch we did not read, but i include here….a shock to our affluent self- seeking society)

“But woe to you who are rich, for you have received your consolation.
Woe to you who are full now, for you shall be hungry. “Woe to you who laugh now, for you shall mourn and weep.
Woe to you, when all people speak well of you, for so their fathers did to the false prophets.”

( from Sermon on the Mount , Luke 6:20-26)

There is plenty of greyness and darkness in our lives, and in this troubled world of ours; suddenly the sun breaks through!

People come together, carry each other’s burdens, care for one another. I saw Jesus at work today at Main and Hastings, and I believe His promises for a better world one day, and I plan to continue joining him to work and pray to this end.

So, i join willingly in the liturgy for Ash Wednesday, hearing afresh the words
of Jesus and am ready again to obey: “ Take up your cross.”

My/ our response: We will follow you, O Christ,
Into the needs of the world,
Into the truth of our lives,
Into the pain of our hearts,
Into the presence of God.
Amen.

I can go on into Lent, taking some time to self – reflect, to grieve for my selfishness and to return with renewed focus to follow my LORD. To weep for the sins of the world ( later that night on the news I saw a parent in the Florida shooting news with an ash cross on her forehead), and yet to continue to work as a servant for the One whose suffering and death ended the curse on our world and whose Resurrection- released power is bringing and will bring full renewal and restoration to our world and its peoples.

Qoheleth said : For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven…..a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.  Ecclesiastes 3:1&4.

For me, now is the time to mourn.

Part 7: Good- bye Aunt Lisl

On January 19th 2017, I received a phonecall from Rosie and she informed me that Aunt Lisl had been taken to hospital the night before with breathing trouble. She had a serious pneumonia and the doctors didn’t really want to treat her, as she was a DNR. However, at Rosie’s insistence, they did start some antibiotics, and Rosie had stayed with her through the night, and she seemed a bit better by morning.

When I called Rosie later in the afternoon, Lisl was more stable, and Rosie was going home for some much-needed sleep.

Early the next morning Rosie called and told Gary that Aunt Lisl had passed away, just after midnight, very early on Saturday morning, January 21, 2017.

During the summer visits to Toronto, I had chosen a burial plot in Holy Blossom Memorial Garden and also visited Steele’s funeral directors to make arrangements. Rosie had paid all through Aunt Lisl’s account, of which she was POA.

Steele’s said they could hold off on the burial until the next day, and, in consultation with my brothers, I quickly bought an air ticket, which they kindly covered between them, and I flew out late that Saturday night.

Before I left, the rabbi who would be leading a brief graveside service called me and asked me to share a few words about Lisl’s life.

Rosie put me up in a hotel near her place so it would be easier to connect the next morning and go out to the funeral home to see her, and then out to the cemetery.

Lisl had wanted a simple wooden box, saying she wanted the worms to eat her!! It felt very normal to hear her say that….interesting that she, my mother, and now I, myself, talk very naturally about dying. (more on that another time).

Rosie’s boyfriend picked me up, we went to the funeral home, as I wanted to see Lisl’s body. There was another funeral happening in the chapel there, and after the viewing, we couldnt get his car out from amongst all the parked cars, so ended up taking a taxi to the cemetery!

We joined Rosie, her two children and her mother visiting from the Philippines as well as several nurses and Fernando, who helped in the garden and with other odd jobs.

It was cold and drizzly. When the Rabbi arrived, he called me to sit in his car while we talked for a while.

Then we gathered round outside and he led the service; i shared briefly about Aunt Lisl’s life, and after he said the Kaddish after burial, (The Burial Kaddish is a prayer that tells us that in the future God will renew the world, and that the dead will be resurrected to eternal life.), we all took handfuls of earth and tossed them onto the coffin in the deep earth. I also dropped in 8 small rocks I had brought from Mayne Island for my family members who couldn’t be there.

This was the first Jewish burial I had been to.

 

The simple pine coffin had to be encased in a vault type structure, as the graveyard was outside Toronto city limits ( in Scarborough) and they had bylaws to do with the water table etc.

The rabbi assured me the worms would still be able to get in!!

It was good to be there with Rosie and Lisl’s Filipino family….I knew everyone except one nurse I hadn’t met before. The Rabbi was impressed with the group and their dedication to Aunt Lisl. A few days later, he telephoned Rosie and asked her if she would work for his wife’s sister!!

We went back to Lisl’s house and ate together. I had a good talk with Rosie’s mother…she was finding the Toronto winter very cold!!

Such a dear, gentle, cheerful devoted team, and like a family to Aunt Lisl 🙂

Later that night, I went for a long walk alone near my hotel, and then went to watch the movie “Lion”. It was the perfect movie during which to have a good long cry!

My brothers and I ordered a headstone of pink granite: as well as her name and dates, it was inscribed: “Defender and lover of animals”.

Here is a link to her obituary, written by my brothers: http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/thestar/obituary.aspx?pid=184092172

Rosie sent me photos with the stone partially uncovered….I plan to go this April to visit.

 

Rest in peace, dear Aunt Lisl. What a miracle to meet you and what a gift to be able to know you personally. May your memory be a blessing💕